ALL DAY IS HAPPY DAY

Principles for Personal Change: Choices

2011-07-25T10:14:00.000+08:00

Change requires making choices. It's not enough to dream of changing. It's not enough to desire change. In order for you to change, you will need to make a decision. You must choose to change.
Change is intentional: Are you going to be any different in six months? Are you going to be better a year from now? Are you going to be healthier, stronger, and more mature? Are you going to be happier? Are you going to be less in debt? Are you going to be more like God wants you to be?

I can tell you the answer right now: It will only happen if you choose to change, because it isn't going to happen accidentally. That's why we're engaged in Decade of Destiny; you need to think ahead to where you need to be at the end of this year, and where you need to be in three years, six years, and at the end of this decade. I want you to be better in ten years than you are now, but you won't be unless you choose to be.
It requires a choice.
A lot of times we think we're waiting on God to change us. No, you are not waiting on God. God is waiting on you. He's waiting on you to say, “Yes, Lord, I'm willing to make these changes.”
We have to make intentional choices in order to grow. There is no growth without change, there is no change without loss, and there is no loss without pain. If you are going to grow, you will have to change, and change means you let go of some old things in order to grab hold of some new things.
It's like swinging on a trapeze; the trapeze artist swings out on one bar, and then he has to reach out and grab the other one. At some point, he's got to let go of this one to grab on to the other, or he's not going to make it to the other side. If he thinks he can hold on to both, what happens? He gets stuck in the middle and he's going down.
Some of you are stuck in the middle, and you’re going down because you haven't let go of the old patterns, the old habits, and the old ways of thinking. You have to let go of your old ways.
The Bible says, “Throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life ….” In other words, let it go. Those old habits, those old hurts, those old patterns, those old sins in your life—let them go. Throw them off and trust that God is working in you “to will and to act according to his good purpose”.

Words Make a Difference

2011-01-21T17:42:00.000+08:00

Lord Chesterfield once said that words were “The dress of thoughts; which should no more be presented in rags, tatters, and dirt, than your person should.”

Words are a necessary means of communication. What words are used and how they are spoken is determined by the speaker. Speaking poorly selected words for the occasion give wrong impressions and mislead listeners. Words spoken in hatred or anger are generally damaging. On the other hand, words spoken with kindness, consideration, and thoughtfulness create a sense of well being.

Our lives, to some extent, are controlled by the words we utter. Words can build or tear down. We can aggravate, or we can calm and soothe with words.

Words are important because those spoken make a great difference in responses. Usage of the right words in conversations makes a great difference in our relationships with others.

“Thank you,” is one of the “good word” expressions and represents an appropriate response. If these words are expressed in a meaningful way accompanied by a smile, they become special supporting or commends us. This set of words gives the giver pleasure.

Another ideal phrase is “I’m proud of you.” Saying this with sincerity raises spirits and brings self-esteem, feelings of accomplishment, and a measure of satisfaction.

Another meaningful combination of words is “What is your opinion?” This phrase produces in others feelings of importance and the belief that their opinions matter.

“If you please” is a phrase, demonstrating courtesy and politeness, illustrates the art of selecting the right words for the occasion. “Please” is a word that builds respect, consideration, and graciousness.

“Thank you” is another combination, labeled the most important words in our language, shows one’s appreciation or gratitude. Hearing these words brings feelings of accomplishment and that we have done something special.

Words, at times, mirror our thoughts and feelings. They are often indicative of our moods and viewpoints. That is why our words must be carefully selected. Bad moods offer opportunities to use the wrong words causing feelings of regret.

Someone once remarked, “Language can be man’s deadliest weapon.” Words need not be harmful or dreaded. The best choice in using words is keeping in mind the importance of others. Words can be our greatest companions and adherents. They are capable of enhancing our lives and, more important, the lives of others. Think before speaking using words carefully, and you will never regret what you say.

By Dorothy Rieke

http://www.happiness.com/

2010-08-16T10:12:00.001+08:00

1. Berries

All berries are low in sugar and high in fiber. Blueberries have been shown to increase memory in lab studies, and raspberries and strawberries are loaded with ellagic acid, a powerful antioxidant that seems to have some anti-cancer properties, according to the American Cancer Society.

2. Beans
Beans are extremely high in fiber, which helps to control weight, prevent or manage diabetes and blood sugar, and may help prevent colon cancer and protect against heart disease. The National Institute of Medicine recommends 25-38 grams of fiber a day. The average American gets only 4-11 grams. One cup of beans provides 11-17 grams.

3. Nuts
Some of the largest and most important long-term studies of diet and health have shown that eating nuts several times a week is consistent with a risk of heart attack and heart disease that is 30%-50% lower than the general population. Just one ounce of nuts-almonds, macadamia, Brazil , walnuts, pecans-eaten three to five times a week

4. Wild Salmon
Fish is the ultimate anti-aging food. Cold-water fatty fish like wild salmon, sardines, mackerel and herring contain omega-3 fats that protect the brain and the heart, improve mood, and lower blood pressure and triglycerides.

5. Raw Milk
Raw, organic milk nearly always comes from grass-fed cows and contains high levels of cancer-fighting CLA (conjugated linolenic acid) as well as a rich assortment of vitamins, minerals and beneficial bacteria (like Lactobacillus acidophilus)

6. Grass-Fed
Meat Meat from grass-fed cows has a much different fat profile than ordinary supermarket meat: high in omega-3s, lower in potentially harmful omega-6s and loaded with CLA, a kind of fat known for its anti-cancer activity. A superb source of protein and vitamin B12, it's also missing the antibiotics, steroids and hormones found in the meat that comes from feedlot farms. Considered by many to be nature's most perfect food, the egg is high in protein and relatively low in calories. The yolk contains choline, one of the most important nutrients for the brain, as well as lutein and xeazanthin, two critical nutrients for eye health. Brassica Vegetables Cabbage, Brussels sprouts, broccoli and kale all contain plant compounds called indoles that help reduce the risk of cancer. In addition to a stunning range of vitamins and minerals, they also contain sulforaphane, an important plant chemical that helps the body detoxify health-damaging chemicals.

8. Apples
Not only do they keep the doctor away, they also appear to do the same for lung cancer, diabetes and asthma. An apple contains five grams of fiber and a rich blend of nutrients including the bone-building vitamin K and the anti-inflammatory nutrient quercetin. And there's no better way to control your appetite than an apple eaten about half an hour before a big meal.

9. Onions and Garlic
In an impressive number of published studies, the consumption of onions and garlic has demonstrated protective effects against stomach, prostate and esophageal cancer. Along with broccoli, tea and apples, onions and garlic are among a select group of foods found to reduce mortality from heart disease by 20%.

10. Pomegranate Juice
Called "a natural Viagra" by researchers at Tel Aviv University , pomegranate juice is loaded with antioxidants. Studies show it can reduce blood pressure and plaque in the arteries. New research indicates it also slows the progression of tumors.. Four to eight ounces a day is highly recommended.

11. Green Tea
Though all teas are great for you, green tea has a unique profile of plant chemicals that have anti-cancer activity. It's now fairly established that green tea may help prevent the following types of cancers in humans: bladder, colon, esophagus, pancreas, rectum and stomach. If that's not enough, it also appears to help with weight control.

Check Your Health with HEALTH TOOLS here.

When Enough Is Enough And It's Time To Turn Off The Technology

2010-08-10T16:40:00.000+08:00

I had to get some work done on my brakes. That entails bringing the car across town, and waiting on site until the work is completed. All told the time investment involved can eat up to two and a half hours of my work day. But luckily, I own a laptop computer that I can bring to the shop, so I can fill this normally ill-used time with useful activities. If I owned a cellular phone, I could also call clients, fax information, and receive faxed information. In other words, I could be a virtual office. I can work almost anywhere.

The question that occurred to me was this. While technology allows me to work at the auto mechanic's garage, at the mall, and in my car, does it make sense to do so? Is there some point where enough is enough?

Despite the fact that futurists trumpeted that technology would reduce our hours of work, research and certainly anecdotal evidence suggests the contrary. Staff, and particularly management are actually putting in more hours than before. And now, not only are people increasing their hours at the office, but they have blurred the distinction between what is work time and what is not. For most people the ride to work was a time for thinking and driving, not working. That has changed. The home used to be more of a sanctuary from work--now it is becoming an extension of the office. When is enough, enough? When is it time to turn off the cell phone, turn off all the computers, and forget about work utterly and completely?

Decision-Making Criteria

Each person has to make their own decisions as to when and how to separate work time from non-work time. But if you are going to make the decision, and you should, what things should you consider? Let's look at a few criteria.

1. Constant overwork results in inferior work. Mental fatigue increases the chance that you will forget something, requiring you to revisit or re-do your work. Mental fatigue also increases the likelihood that you will "cut corners", since you will be rushing to complete the task. And, corner cutting can also result in having to re-do work, sometimes in embarrassing ways if you don't catch the resulting errors before other people see them.

Ask yourself: Does the quality of my work often suffer from the effects of mental fatigue?

2. Working in non-traditional settings (car, home, mechanic's garage) can also have an impact on the quality of your work. Non-traditional work venues are usually characterized by many distractions. If you are in your car, your concentration is split between driving, and talking on the cell phone. At home, you may be interrupted by your children popping in to say hello. And I am sure that the mechanic's garage is fraught with distracting elements, particularly when the estimate is presented!

What tends to happen is that it is more difficult to get things done in these settings. If you are distracted, you may forget things, or say things that don't make much sense, since your full attention is diverted. Again, we need to look at the quality of work done.

Ask yourself: Is the quality of work I do off-site equivalent to that of work I do in the office. How much extra time does it take to fix things that I do when I am distracted?

3. We know that people who focus their energies exclusively on work have a tendency to develop stress related difficulties. If you are in a situation where even your "leisure time" is occupied by thoughts of work, that may be a problem.

Be alert to the symptoms of stress. For example:

. Are you having difficulty sleeping?
. Do thoughts about work intrude when you are not at work?
. Are you enjoying your time at work less and less?
. Do you have difficulty enjoying your time away from work?
. Are you becoming more irritable and less patient?

Ask yourself: Am I experiencing stress symptoms? If so, it may be time to take more time off, or "wall off" your work time from your leisure time.

Conclusion

Just because technology makes it possible to work in non-traditional settings does not mean that doing so is efficient or wise over the long term. The real key to productivity is to keep a balance of work and leisure, and to examine your own habits and practices to see if it is possible to increase the amount of work you accomplish at work. Improved organization and time management can help you do this.

Points of You - The Coaching Game

2010-08-09T19:01:00.004+08:00

The Coaching Game is intended for coaches, team leaders,

organizational consultants, therapists, facilitators, and other

professionals who are ready to expand their choice of tools

and introduce an intuitive catalyst into their work processes.

Use The Coaching Game to create breakthroughs in the

ways your clients think, communicate, respond, and act in

varied work/life situations.

It will assist you to:

• Widen perspective and perceptual fields

• Foster convergent and divergent thinking

• Ignite creativity

• Deepen listening skills

• Surface hidden assumptions and biases

• Invite reflection and personal growth

• Generate clarity toward decisive action

• Can be adapted to specific process goal

The Coaching Game can be used as a professional

tool for coaching others but can also be played as

a social game, creating communication and openness

between participants in an exciting and extraordinary

way. You can play The Coaching Game with yourself,

with a partner, or a whole group of people.

The game is a kind of a personal coach that we can

pull out whenever we find ourselves having to cope,

make a decision, or just at any point along the way.

It allows us to explore significant issues in our lives

from different perspectives, to achieve clarity,

to form insights and to decide what actions to take.

The game itself is fun and easy to use.

50 Life Coaching Exercises

2010-08-09T18:40:00.003+08:00

50 Life Coaching Exercises by David Bonham-Carter is an easy to use eBook containing 50 helpful life coaching exercises, covering a range of life coaching and personal development areas including making changes, career, relationships, self esteem, anxiety, assertiveness and stress.

Who Can Benefit from the Life Coaching Exercises?

The eBook is instantly downloadable and will be of use to:

Those seeking to make personal or professional changes or deal with difficulties in their life and wanting exercises which they can use for self coaching or to clarify their thoughts and options, decide what to do and evaluate their progress

Life coaches or others who provide help to people who want support or life coaching to take positive steps in their life

Students of life coaching who can find in the exercises templates of exercises used by a successful professional coach.

Life Coaching Exercises - Proven Value

The coaching exercises in the eBook are easy to understand and follow, with clear instructions included in each exercise. The exercises draw on proven ideas from coaching models such as:

Motivational interviewing (the Advantages and Disadvantages of Changeexercise and the Change Questionnaire build on the work of Prochaska and DeClemente and the transtheoretical model or the cycle of change)

Brief, solution focused therapy (the exercises include a simple version of the famous Miracle Question exercise)

CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) - The ABC Model for analysing the relation between thoughts, feeling and actions is set out simply and clearly.

Click here to visit David Bonham-Carter Life Coach.

The happy marriage recipe

2010-07-29T16:40:00.003+08:00

The happy marriage recipe almost sounds too easy. There are four steps.

1. Make Friends With Your Partner

The idea is to be respectful toward your partner, and make friends with your partner. You may have started out as lovers, and not necessarily friends. Some people would argue that you are spouses, not friends.

2. Next, Maintain a Positivity Ratio of 5 to 1

The happy marriage recipe calls for 5 times as many positive messages as negative ones. This means that in all the little interactions with your partner, you give at least 5 positive messages for each negative message. And, the messages need to be the same weight. We'll show you the weights, and how the experts keep score. For example, you'll discover that you need to give your partner at least 5 messages of validation or affection, to make up for one message of contempt.

3. Next, Handle Irresolvable Issues with Grace and Humor

Estimates vary, but experts believe that between 70% and 90% of the fights that married couples have, are about issues that are irresolvable — issues that are never going to change. Fighting won't help anything. To do this, first, couples need to identify the issues that are irresolvable. Then, they agree to never, ever fight about any of those issues. That takes care of the damage that constant unproductive fighting does. To turn a bad thing into a good thing, the couple will grow to treat the issue — when it arises — with humor and grace. Humor and demonstrating respect and grace, are all positive messages. So, a fight you avoided turns instead into messages that add to your love bundle.

4. Begin and End Issue discussions on a Positive Note

"A positive note" means a positive, respectful manner. If you aren't in that mood, defer your 'issue' discussion until you are. Prepare and practice loving, respectful ways to begin and end any marital issue discussions. This will make them positive experiences, even if the discussion produces some compromise on what you wanted, or what was wanted of you. Click Here! to save your marriage.

The Art of Giving

2010-07-28T15:27:00.000+08:00

The true Art in Giving is to give from the heart without any expectation of a return.

True giving comes from the same place inside you as your deepest happiness. They are inexplicably intertwined.

A gift is something that is enjoyed twice. First by the giver who revels in the pleasure of giving something special and then also enjoyed by the person who receives the gift.

A very special form of giving takes the form of small, personal acts of kindness. Very often it is not money or belongings that people need, it's the things that can't be seen, such as advice reassurance, a kind word, compliments or a smile.

The act of giving doesn’t have to be limited to an exchange of presents at Christmas time or Birthdays. You can treat every person you come into contact with as someone who you can give a gift to.

You may be a bit sceptical, wondering what exactly do you have to give? Everybody has something of value for another person. It could be a kind word, a simple smile, some appreciation, the sharing of some special knowledge, even a helping hand or a bit of support during a difficult emotional time.

You have something to give everyone.

The act of true giving is something wonderful and amazing. With most things in this world, there is only a limited amount of what you can give away. Fortunately, generosity and kindness are not bound to these same material limitations.

One of life’s most basic laws is "every single act of love, kindness and generosity will multiply and return to you many times over ". The more you give the happier you will feel.

Many thousands of years ago a great sage in Babylon said "The reward of charity depends entirely upon the extent of the kindness in it."

It is one of life's wonderful paradoxes that you limit the power of your giving by having an expectation of getting something in return. When you give without any thought or desire for something back, your returns will be truly limitless.

Your life is like a river of energy, continually flowing. What happens when a river stops moving? It get very muddy, and stagnant. A fast flowing river is full of life and clear water. Where would you rather drink?

The acts of giving and receiving are a continuos process of circulation that continues the flow of your life’s energies. For one person to receive someone else has to give. It’s a cycle of energy that flows continually onwards.

Pause for as moment as you read this, and take a big, deep breath. Hold it for as long as you possibly can. As you hold it inside, notice how uncomfortable you begin to feel when you are holding on to something that is meant to be released.

Now, breath out, completely and hold your breath with your lungs fully emptied. Feel how uncomfortable you feel when you are resisting taking in something that you need.

True giving, without expectation of anything in return is as effortless as breathing.

How often do you expect back from the person you gave something to a gift of a similar or greater value? Is this true giving or merely an unvoiced expectation of an exchange of similar goods?

Have you ever heard anyone saying " I just give and give and give until I have nothing left "?

This behaviour has many other names. Self denial, self pity, martyrdom, self righteousness to name just a few.

This is an ego based form of giving. It is giving with an expectation of something in return. In reality, this is not giving at all but an unvocalised form of barter. If, through the act of giving, you feel that you have “lost something or are somehow lessened” then the gift was not truly given from your heart.

Truly giving something from the heart is an action which will fill your life with joy. This is where the expression to “give whole heartedly” comes from.

The intention behind your giving is the most important thing. The intention should always be to create happiness for both the giver and the receiver

If you experience resentment and a feeling of “I don’t really want to give this to this person, but I feel that I have to” or “I really should give them something,” this is probably what ultimately will come back to you. Perhaps in this case, you need to consider not giving the gift at all !

What you give out is what comes back in direct proportions to the feelings you have in the act of giving.

It’s very simple. If you want to experience more joy, give joy to others, if you want more love, learn to give love, if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give appreciation to others. These are some of life’s most precious gifts and they don’t cost you anything.

When you meet someone, you can silently send them a blessing, wishing them happiness, joy and laughter. This kind of silent giving is very powerful. Do this, (with no thought of return) and you will suddenly find people around you opening to you in joy and happiness.

Make a descision that wherever you go, to whoever you meet, to give. As long as you are giving, you will also be receiving. The more you give, the more will flow back to you and be returned many times over. Giving creates a pattern of happiness, joy and love in your life beyond your wildest expectations.

In ancient China, Lao Tsu wrote "Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in Giving Creates Love.”

Turn Your Mind into a Beautiful Garden

2010-07-28T15:21:00.002+08:00

Some time ago, My Brother and I were visiting some friends in the country. We were staying a a beautiful little guest cabin, surrounded by fruit trees, flowers and even a few goats. Painted above the doorway in brightly coloured, flowing letters were the words :-

Your mind is a garden,
Your thoughts are the seeds,
You can grow flowers or
You can grow weeds.

Little did we know it at the time, but this little poem was to have a profound affect both on our thought patterns as well as our Artworks.

It started almost as a kind of game. We decided to make a real effort to watch our thoughts and see exactly what it was that we were planting in our own "Mind Gardens". It was difficult at first, but gradually, we began to pay more and more attention to what thoughts were repeatedly flashing across our minds.

How disturbing it was to discover that many of these "seeds" were extremely negative thoughts destined to grow patches of thorny thistles and stinging nettles in our daily lives !

We gradually came to see how so many of the problems and difficulties we were encountering in our lives had their beginnings in the seeds of doubt, fear and anxiety that we were continually planting in our minds.

It does take effort, but like anything else it gets easier with practice, and the amazing thing is, as we became more and more aware of these negative thoughts we are able to say:-

"No! I will NOT plant this weed in the Garden of my Mind "

I will consciously choose to plant something better. The results are truly spectacular.

When you start to consciously cultivate your own mind garden, you will truly be amazed at the changes which begin to happen in your life. Obstacles disappear, barriers fall away, and things that you once thought were either impossible or very far away will suddenly come into view.

In the christian bible it is written "As ye sow, so shall ye reap." This principle has been understood by wise sages and prophets for many thousands of years. Whatever thought we continually plant into our minds will grow into what we will later experience in our lives.

Any garden is and ongoing process. It's not enough to just plant a single seed of happiness and then forget about it. Your frail little seedling would soon be choked by weeds. It is necessary to continuously pull out and throw away those weeds of fear, doubt and anxiety as soon as they appear.

Love, happiness and tranquility are all contagious.

People who are continuously planting these seeds in their own minds are also planting them in other people's.

Remember,

Your mind is a Garden

Your Thoughts are the seeds,

You can grow flowers or
You can grow weeds.

So ask youself, what are you going to grow in the glorious garden of your mind ?

How To Attract Happiness

2010-07-28T15:01:00.000+08:00

I wonder whether you noticed an article by the columnist David Brooks in the New York Times entitled the "Sandra Bullock Trade". It certainly caught my eye as it focuses upon the interactions between personal and professional success with levels of happiness.

Over the last few decades much research has been carried out with regards to the science of happiness. A state of happiness is after all what we would all wish to experience. There are many different and varied goals which we might pursue, but ultimately the thing which we seek through any of these diverse routes is happiness.

One of the many pieces of research has identified that to achieve professional success does not necessarily mean that you will achieve corresponding levels of happiness. But success in your personal life, in your marriage or close relationships, does provide a good indication of happiness. More money might lead you to greater happiness, but not necessarily so; a good relationship is far more likely to pave the way to happiness (and also longevity, but that is another story).

So why are so many more people in this day and age apparently so fixated upon their careers and monetary goals, seemingly oblivious to the potential negative impact upon their relationships? It seems that we are searching for happiness in the wrong places and perhaps it is time for many of us to take a step back and view our lives from a different angle.

This can however be hard to do when we live in a society where our self confidence, self image and sense of achievement is often measured by what we do as opposed to who we really are. Our sense of identity can become blurred and indistinct as our professional persona grows larger and our inner self takes a back seat. As time goes by it becomes easier to live with that persona as it becomes more familiar to us, and frequently shields us from our inner fears and doubts.

Many of us reach a point where we do not want to let go of either the trappings of a successful career or the persona of that successful professional image. But if it is not making you happy or, worse still, standing in the way of your happiness, then it is time for a change. When one reaches such an insight, it becomes important to strip away a few of those superficial layers and look instead at ones inner reality.

Hypnosis is very helpful in this process as it allows you to access your subconscious mind, the part where instinctive thoughts and behaviors are stored. In effect, hypnosis allows you to take a step back and see things from a different angle. Hypnosis helps you to relax in the moment and to experience happiness at the same time.

We know from research findings that to be in a good close relationship is a better indicator of happiness than anything else. Thus the most important thing to focus upon so as to attract happiness into your life is the area of personal relationships. In creating deeper and more meaningful bonds in your personal relationships you will derive far more happiness than from professional success.

Source : Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads to help create good relationships, happiness and well-being.

The 7 Barriers To Great Communications

2010-07-28T14:54:00.000+08:00

Many people think that communicating is easy. It is after all something we've done all our lives. There is some truth in this simplistic view. Communicating is straightforward. What makes it complex, difficult, and frustrating are the barriers we put in the way. Here are the 7 top barriers.

1. Physical Barriers. Physical barriers in the workplace include:
* marked out territories, empires and fiefdoms into which strangers are not allowed
* closed office doors, barrier screens, separate areas for people of different status
* large working areas or working in one unit that is physically separate from others.

Research shows that one of the most important factors in building cohesive teams is proximity. As long as people still have a personal space that they can call their own, nearness to others aids communication because it helps us get to know one another.

2. Perceptual Barriers. The problem with communicating with others is that we all see the world differently. If we didn't, we would have no need to communicate: something like extrasensory perception would take its place. The following anecdote is a reminder of how our thoughts, assumptions and perceptions shape our own realities.

A traveller was walking down a road when he met a man from the next town.
"Excuse me," he said. "I am hoping to stay in the next town tonight. Can you tell me what the townspeople are like?"
"Well," said the townsman, "how did you find the people in the last town you visited?"
"Oh, they were an irascible bunch. Kept to themselves. Took me for a fool. Over-charged me for what I got. Gave me very poor service."
"Well, then," said the townsman, "you'll find them pretty much the same here."

3. Emotional Barriers. One of the chief barriers to open and free communications is the emotional barrier. It is comprised mainly of fear, mistrust and suspicion. The roots of our emotional mistrust of others lie in our childhood and infancy when we were taught to be careful what we said to others. "Mind your P's and Q's"; "Don't speak until you're spoken to"; "Children should be seen and not heard". As a result many people hold back from communicating their thoughts and feelings to others. They feel vulnerable. While some caution may be wise in certain relationships, excessive fear of what others might think of us can stunt our development as effective communicators and our ability to form meaningful relationships.

4. Cultural Barriers. When we join a group and wish to remain in it, sooner or later we need to adopt the behaviour patterns of the group. These are the behaviours that the group accept as signs of belonging. The group rewards such behaviour through acts of recognition, approval and inclusion. In groups which are happy to accept you, and where you are happy to conform, there is a mutuality of interest and a high level of win-win contact. Where, however, there are barriers to your membership of a group, a high level of game-playing replaces good communication.

5. Language Barriers. Language that describes what we want to say in our terms may present barriers to others who are not familiar with our expressions, buzz-words and jargon. When we couch our communication in such language, it is a way of excluding others. In a global market place the greatest compliment we can pay another person is to talk in their language.

One of the more chilling memories of the Cold War was the threat by the Soviet leader Nikita Khruschev saying to the Americans at the United Nations: "We will bury you!" This was taken to mean a threat of nuclear annihilation. However, a more accurate reading of Khruschev's words would have been: "We will overtake you!" meaning economic superiority. It was not just the language, but the fear and suspicion that the West had of the Soviet Union that led to the more alarmist and sinister interpretation.

6. Gender Barriers. There are distinct differences between the speech patterns in a man and those in a woman. A woman speaks between 22,000 and 25,000 words a day whereas a man speaks between 7,000 and 10,000. In childhood, girls speak earlier than boys and at the age of three, have a vocabulary twice that of boys.

The reason for this lies in the wiring of a man's and woman's brains. When a man talks, his speech is located in the left side of the brain but in no specific area. When a woman talks, the speech is located in both hemispheres and in two specific locations.

This means that a man talks in a linear, logical and compartmentalised way, features of left-brain thinking; whereas a woman talks more freely mixing logic and emotion, features of both sides of the brain. It also explains why women talk for much longer than men each day.

7. Interpersonal Barriers. There are six levels at which people can distance themselves from one another:
1. withdrawal. Withdrawal is an absence of interpersonal contact. It is both refusal to be in touch and time alone.
2. rituals. Rituals are meaningless, repetitive routines devoid of real contact.
3. pastimes. Pastimes fill up time with others in social but superficial activities.
4. working. Working activities are those tasks which follow the rules and procedures of contact but no more.
5. games. Games are subtle, manipulative interactions which are about winning and losing. They include "rackets" and "stamps".
6. closeness. Closeness is the aim of interpersonal contact where there is a high level of honesty and acceptance of yourself and others.

Working on improving your communications is a broad-brush activity. You have to change your thoughts, your feelings, and your physical connections. That way you can break down the barriers that get in your way and start building relationships that really

Source : Eric Garner

Hapinness : The Key Transformer

2010-07-28T11:53:00.001+08:00

We all wait for a reason to be happy not realizing that the feeling comes from within. Most of us do not realize that being happy is not a feeling but a state of mind which an individual trains himself to be in. There are many pre-conceived notions when it comes to the concept of happiness. The biggest of all is to wait for an occasion or a moment to bring about this state which in turn leaves us with even more sorrow.

The main problem with such an attitude is that the small pleasures or the little happy instances in your life would seem worthless. But then, these are the ones which build the happy life that we have. Our levels of satisfaction are so high that we have literally forgotten how to be happy. More so, our focus is always on something that is much better and at times, difficult to achieve or out of our reach.

This state can be partly blamed on the fast paced lifestyles where in people do not exactly have time to spend with their loved ones. The demands of a hectic work schedule in a high pressure job make an individual to push boundaries. In the process, we believe that by achieving this rather difficult task would lead us to peace. But this is not how it works!

But we all know that being humans, our levels of satisfaction are far from being attainable. So, it is up to us to decide whether or not to control the strings of our life and be happy in the worst of circumstances. And this is how you can do it:

Being grateful and having a feeling of gratitude is one of the biggest strengths that an individual can possess. The moment you start practicing this concept, the transformation would automatically come to the surface. The feel good factor tends to walk in to your life unexpectedly. You tend to appreciate the things that you have in your life rather than those that you do not have. Here, the tiny little aspects start counting which adds to your feeling of contentment. Hence, you would worry less and your mind would be in a state of happiness.

Take everything as it comes...more so, take it in your stride. After all, life is known to be a journey for a reason. Don't be scared of making mistakes, it's a part of your constant growth and evolution. At the same time, do not hook yourself to a goal which is far-fledged and very vague. Live in the present and be happy. It is more important to enjoy the process of reaching towards that goal. That is what which makes it fruitful. Make it a point to find joy in each and every moment...think of instances which have made you smile and cherish those memories. With those other goals, this should be your most important goal. It is important to get the feeling of accomplishment. You would definitely want to savor the consequence of the entire process.

It is never too late or too less a time for yourself. It would be difficult to be happy when you are always in a rush. So, it is important that you take out time to relax and succumb to those small pleasures which takes us to that surreal world. For a start, find out the activities that you love doing the most. This could be anything from watching movies to eating your favorite food or going on a vacation and so on.

Above all, the choice lies with us. Whatever road we decide to walk on, it is our decision and so, we should not have any regrets. There would definitely be many road blocks but do not let that bring you down. Obviously, we do not know what the future is. So do not let those little thorns prick you. Instead, embrace happiness wholeheartedly!

Source : Ricky Powell

What Is Anger Management?

2010-07-21T12:15:00.000+08:00

Anger is one of the most common and destructive emotions and it afflicts our mind almost every day. We need to empower ourselves with anger management techniques so as to solve our problem of anger. Anger management techniques are easy to apply especially when anger gets over us and our physical wellbeing. It is important to know anger management techniques to help us cope with situations everyday.

What is anger? Anger is a natural human emotion and it is an adaptive nature which empowers us to "ward off" any attacks or threats to our well being.

However, it sometimes can cause us to focus on the bad qualities of an animate or inanimate object, make it unattractive and increase our desires to perform negative actions on it. But the truth is, anger is not a problem but the mismanagement of anger. Mismanaged anger and rage cause us to face conflicts and difficulties in our personal and professional relationships. Thus, we must know anger management techniques in order to cope better with it.

Anger management techniques are simple to apply but we must first recognize the anger within our mind and acknowledge that it is harmful to both our selves and others. The idea of being tolerant and patient is central in anger management techniques because it is when we lose our tolerance and patience that we begin to feel angry.

In addition, anger management techniques are really just practical methods that can be applied in our daily lives to help us reduce our anger and finally to prevent it from arising at all. They can help us because excessive anger can cause health problems, family issues, drug or alcohol abuse, financial despair, extreme fear or stress, and spiritual void. Domestic abuse, road rage, workplace violence, divorce, and addiction are just a few examples of what happens when anger is mismanaged.

To get started with applying anger management techniques, you need to admit that your anger is out-of-control is essential to tackling the problem of anger. This requires honesty, courage, and tremendous inner strength. And also requires help from others.

When in a situation that needs you to apply anger management techniques, be consciously determined to be calm and communicate and express slowly what you are feeling. Look at the positive side and try to look at the situation from another point of view. Try to relax at the same time and just think about something good to distract yourself from the overwhelming feeling of anger. In addition, you can regulate your breathing to become slow and relaxed to allow you to think and react better in the situation.

Remember that anger management techniques help you to control your anger to the best of your physical well being, social functioning and relationships! Uncontrolled anger only results in added troubles to your life and controlling your anger is a choice you can make! It is no disgrace to admit we have a problem and seek outside help. Click Here for more help on regaining control of anger management.

4 Signs That You May Have An Anger Problem

2010-07-21T12:09:00.000+08:00

You may not want to admit it, but many of you already know that at least one point of your life, you have had a problem with anger. But there are many people out there who are not quite sure if they have an issue with anger. To help you find out, below are some indicators:

1. When you do get angry, you do not get over it for a long time. It may last until you explode sometimes, or the anger may even stay inside of you, to fuel the fires of your rage. If you have heard of people who “hold a grudge” then those are the ones that I am referring to here.

Do you have a tendency to hold grudges? Can you think of more than one person right now, whom you have not talked to in a long time that you are still angry with?

2. You spend most of the time feeling frustrated and irritable. You get disappointed as well as unsatisfied about almost anything in life. But with all of these negative feelings you have, you do not in fact get very angry.

Anger may be an unacceptable emotion to you, whereas frustration and irritability seem more acceptable, thus keeping you in a constant state of unfulfilled in life.

3. Another sign of anger problem is if you never get angry. You just seem to be void of experiencing that emotion. There are times when you know you should be getting angry, but the feeling just doesn't seem to come. Your anger seems very mild or watered down, and you never are able to release it.

4. Last but not least, you may have an anger problem if you tend to be very sarcastic or cynical not only about yourself, but everyone and the world around you. Your time around people is spent on judging other people and making constant “jokes” that have very negative connotations around them.

Although you try to make yourself believe that these jokes are harmless, deep inside you know that constantly putting everything down and disguising it as a joke is just a way to cover up your anger issues. For some reason you are not able to express your anger and it becomes apparent when it is “leaking” from your conversations.

18 ways to improve your body language

2010-07-19T18:47:00.000+08:00

Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood. There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

Source : Postivyblog.com

Do you make these 10 mistakes in a conversation?

2010-07-19T18:41:00.000+08:00

Can you improve your conversation skills? Certainly.

It might take a while to change the conversation habits that’s been ingrained throughout your life, but it is very possible.

To not make this article longer than necessary let’s just skip right to some common mistakes many of us have made in conversations. And a couple of solutions.

Not listening
Ernest Hemingway once said:

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Put your own ego on hold. Learn to really listen to what people actually are saying.

When you start to really listen, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation. But avoid yes or no type of questions as they will not give you much information. If someone mentions that they went fishing with a couple of friends last weekend you can for instance ask:

Where did you go fishing?
What do you like most about fishing?
What did you do there besides fishing?

The person will delve deeper into the subject giving you more information to work with and more paths for you choose from.

If they say something like: “Oh, I don’t know” at first, don’t give up. Prod a little further. Ask again. They do know, they just have to think about a bit more. And as they start to open up the conversation becomes more interesting because it’s not on auto-pilot anymore.

Asking too many questions
If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute. One alternative is to mix questions with statements. Continuing the conversation above you could skip the question and say:

Yeah, it’s great to just get out with your friends and relax over the weekend. We like to take a six-pack out to the park and play some Frisbee golf.
Nice. We went out in my friend’s boat last month and I tried these new lures from Sakamura. The blue ones were really great.

And then the conversation can flow on from there. And you can discuss Frisbee golf, the advantages/disadvantages of different lures or your favourite beer.

Tightening up
When in conversation with someone you just meet or when the usual few topics are exhausted an awkward silence or mood might appear. Or you might just become nervous not knowing exactly why.

Leil Lowndes once said: “Never leave home without reading the newspaper.” If you’re running out of things to say, you can always start talking about the current news. It’s also good to stay updated on current water cooler-topics. Like what happened on the latest episode of Lost.
Comment on the aquarium at the party, or that one girl’s cool Halloween-costume or the host’s mp3-playlist. You can always start new conversations about something in your surroundings.
Assume rapport. If you feel nervous or weird when meeting someone for the first time assume rapport. What that means is that you imagine how you feel when you meet one of your best friends. And pretend that this new acquaintance is one of your best friends. Don’t overdo it though, you might not want to hug and kiss right away. But if you imagine this you’ll go into a positive emotional state. And you’ll greet and start talking to this new person with a smile and a friendly and relaxed attitude. Because that’s how you talk to your friends. It might sound a bit loopy or too simple. But it really works.

Poor delivery
One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it. A change in these habits can make a big difference since your voice and body language is a vital part of communication. Some things to think about:

Slowing down. When you get excited about something it’s easy to start talking faster and faster. Try and slow down. It will make it much easier for people to listen and for you actually get what you are saying across to them.
Speaking up. Don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you.
Speaking clearly. Don’t mumble.
Speak with emotion. No one listens for that long if you speak with a monotone voice. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.
Using pauses. Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation. People will start to listen more attentively to what you’re saying. Listen to one of Brian Tracys cds or Steve Pavlina’s podcasts. Listen to how using small pauses makes what they are saying seem even more interesting.
Learn a bit about improving your body language as it can make your delivery a lot more effective. Read about laughter, posture and how to hold your drink in 18 ways to improve your body language.

Hogging the spot-light
I’ve been guilty of this one on more occasions than I wish to remember. Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight. Don’t interrupt someone when they are telling some anecdote or their view on what you are discussing to divert the attention back to yourself. Don’t hijack their story about skiing before it’s finished to share your best skiing-anecdote. Find a balance between listening and talking.

Having to be right
Avoid arguing and having to being right about every topic. Often a conversation is not really a discussion. It’s a more of a way to keep a good mood going. No one will be that impressed if you “win” every conversation. Instead just sit back, relax and help keep the good feelings going.

Talking about a weird or negative topic
If you’re at a party or somewhere were you are just getting to know some people you might want to avoid some topics. Talking about your bad health or relationships, your crappy job or boss, serial killers, technical lingo that only you and some other guy understands or anything that sucks the positive energy out of the conversation are topics to steer clear from. You might also want to save religion and politics for conversations with your friends.

Being boring
Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life. And to focus on the positive stuff. Don’t start to whine about your boss or your job, people don’t want to hear that. Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you where buying clothes, your plans for New Years Eve or something funny or exciting.

Another way is just to be genuinely interested. As Dale Carnegie said:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.”

Knowing a little about many things or at least being open to talk about them instead of trying to steer the conversation back to your favourite subject is a nice quality.

Meaning: talking for what seems like hours about one topic. Topics may include work, favourite rock-band, TV-show and more work.

Opening up a bit and not clinging desperately to one topic will make the conversation feel more relaxed and open. You will come across like a person who can talk about many things with ease. As you’ve probably experienced with other people; this quality is something you appreciate in a conversation and makes you feel like you can connect to that person easily.

Not reciprocating
Open up and say what you think, share how you feel. If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don’t just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences. If someone is investing in the conversation they’d like you to invest too.

Like in so many areas in life, you can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move. When needed, be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation. One way is by replacing some questions with statements. It makes you less passive and makes take a sort of stand.

Not contributing much
You might feel that you don’t have much to contribute to a conversation. But try anyway. Really listen and be interested in what the others are saying. Ask questions. Make relating statements.

Open your eyes too. Develop your observational skills to pick up interesting stuff in your surroundings to talk about. Develop your personal knowledge-bank by expanding your view of interesting things in the world. Read the newspapers and keep an eye on new water cooler-topics.

Work on your body language, how you talk and try assuming rapport to improve your communication skills.

But take it easy. Don’t do it all at once. You’ll just feel confused and overwhelmed. Instead, pick out the three most important things that you feel needs improving. Work on them every day for 3-4 weeks. Notice the difference and keep at it. Soon your new habits will start to pop up spontaneously when you are in a conversation.

Source : Positvyblog.com

Spending on Happiness

2010-07-16T16:10:00.000+08:00

Can money buy you happiness? Yes—so long as you spend the money on someone else. According to new research, giving other people even as little as $5 can lead to increased well-being for the giver.
That's the insight into the secret of happiness by HBS professor Michael Norton and two colleagues from the University of British Columbia, Elizabeth Dunn and Lara Aknin. Their article, "Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness," appeared in the March 21, 2008 issue of Science.
"Intentional activities—practices in which people actively and effortfully choose to engage—may represent a promising route to lasting happiness. Supporting this premise, our work demonstrates that how people choose to spend their money is at least as important as how much money they make," the researchers explain.
"Our findings suggest that very minor alterations in spending allocations—as little as $5 in our final study—may be sufficient to produce non-trivial gains in happiness on a given day."

Norton and colleagues found these results to hold in three different studies: a nationally representative survey, a field study of windfall spending, and an exploration in which participants were randomly assigned to spend money on others rather than themselves.
We asked Norton to elaborate in an email interview, an invitation to which he cheerfully agreed.
Sarah Jane Gilbert: What prompted you to conduct this research into the connection between money and happiness?
Michael Norton: One of the most puzzling paradoxes in social science is that though people spend so much of their time trying to make more money, having more money doesn't seem to make them that much happier. My colleagues Liz Dunn and Lara Aknin—both at the University of British Columbia—and I wondered if the issue was not that money couldn't buy happiness but that people simply weren't spending it in the right way to make themselves happier. Liz had the great idea to explore whether, if we encouraged people to spend money in different ways, we could uncover the domains in which money might lead to happiness. We conducted a number of studies—from national surveys to a field study in which we examined how the manner in which employees at a Boston-based company spent a profit-sharing bonus impacted their long-term happiness—in which we showed that money can buy happiness, when people spend that money prosocially on others (giving gifts to friends, donating to charities) rather than on themselves (buying flat-screen televisions).
Q: What are the psychological factors involved when it comes to individuals and feelings they encounter when giving away their money? Does it matter how wealthy you are?
A: We found that it was the relative percentage of their money that people spend on others—rather than the absolute amount—that predicted their happiness. In the bonus study described above, for example, the size of the bonus that people received had no impact on their long-term happiness. It was the percentage of that bonus they spent on others that increased their well-being. In another study, we showed that spending as little as $5 over the course of a day on another person led to demonstrable increases in happiness. In other words, people needn't be wealthy and donate hundreds of thousands of dollars to charity to experience the benefits of prosocial spending; small changes—a few dollars reallocated from oneself to another—can make a difference.
Q: So many of us equate having money with happiness. How does this relate to your findings that showed giving it to others is what promotes happiness?
A: Although a large body of research does show that people become happier as they move from being very poor to lower middle class, after this point the impact of income on happiness is much weaker. Think of someone who makes $100,000 one year and $110,000 the next—do we really expect this additional income to suddenly make this person fulfilled, without a care in the world? (You can also think about whether such changes in your own income really make you happier with your life on a day-to-day basis: Being informed about a raise certainly makes us happy, but the $10,000 doesn't make our siblings or in-laws any less difficult to deal with over the course of the following year. …) Although people believe that having money leads to happiness, our research suggests that this is only the case if at least some of that money is given to others.
Q: If we were aware that giving equates to happiness, would we be more likely to spend money on others instead of on ourselves?
A: We were actually most worried about the opposite problem, whether knowing about the effect of prosocial spending might erase it, if people engaged in prosocial spending in a calculated manner in order to "get happy." We conducted a survey in conjunction with the New York Times "TierneyLab" in which readers who had just learned about our findings were invited to complete a brief survey in which they reported their happiness, as well as how much money they had spent on others and on themselves so far that day. Consistent with our previous research, we found that spending more on others was associated with greater happiness among this sample of approximately 1,000 New York Times readers, even though the respondents had been exposed to our previous findings.
Q: What are you working on next?
A: We are now actively looking to work with more companies that are willing to be creative with how they encourage their employees to spend their bonuses, and companies that are willing to be creative in how they engage in charitable giving. For instance, many companies donate a lump sum to charities each year. Our research suggests that companies might think about splitting that money up among their employees and empowering them to choose the recipient of those donations. We refer to such initiatives as creating a "prosocial workplace," which we believe has benefits both for companies, in the form of happier employees, and for society, through increases in charitable giving.

Source : Sarah Jane Gilbert

5 ways to attract more success

2010-07-16T16:03:00.001+08:00

"Hesitation, when one is confronted with a great business idea, is without a doubt, the single largest obstacle to wealth. It is only through dynamic action and financial risk that great fortunes are amassed and multiplied." J.P. Morgan
Take responsibility for the choices you've made in life. No matter where you're at, accept that you are where you are as a result of your choices. Then you can effectively move on to finding your passion, fulfilling your dreams and earning multiple streams of income. I know of highly intelligent, highly educated people who will not take that first simple step. They are "stuck" in jobs they can't stand, emotionally bankrupt, and in some cases financially bankrupt, too. Mired in self-pity and constantly blaming others they will never achieve their dreams. So….let's move on to more strategies I learned from that Las Vegas seminar taught by self-made millionaires.

1. Burning desire and personal motivation. Whether you want to achieve overall career success or small business success, you must have a burning desire for whatever it is you want to achieve. Because there will be too many roadblocks and detours along your path. And unless you're fueled by passion, it's too easy to experience overwhelm, lose focus and just plain give up. I love coffee (as I write this I'm sitting outside Starbucks!) but as I do more and more of the work I enjoy, i.e., recording CD's and writing an e-book, my need for caffeine has diminished. I'm fueled by passion, purpose and helping others. It's easy for me to work late into the night. Of course, it's also easier when you have a dog and no small children. You get the point. Ask yourself, if you won $50 million in the lottery, what would you do for work even 10 hours per week. Assume you've already traveled everywhere and bought everything you could want.
2. Hire a motivation or success coach. One of the main reasons businesses fail is lack of planning and lack of focus. Another reason is procrastination. Procrastination is the result of fear. If you're having difficulty getting started, hire a motivation coach to push you past the pain of procrastination and into facing your fears. The investment can cost money in the short term but be well worth it once you start seeing results. Every one of the self-made millionaires this past weekend said early on in their career they hired a success team of coaches, tutors, accountants, attorneys and others who could assist them. The message was "don't try to do everything on your own." You will feel overwhelmed, procrastinate and fail. So where do you find the finances to hire these experts?
3. Offload your stuff. Get rid of the "things" and frivolous expenses that are holding you back. Many self-made millionaires advise this. If you're objecting to hiring a team of experts because you don't know where the money will come from…what can you sell? Many people have items they want to get rid of but aren't sure how to post these items with online websites like EBay or Craig's List. Enlist the help of a friend or expert in this area. Find a way fast to get rid of your credit card debt if you have any. The percentage of Americans with debt is shocking.
4. Your comfort zone is your money zone. This is a cliché, but feel the fear and do it anyway. Be willing to be terrified. To make it easier, find out where you are weakest and grow in those areas. Surround yourself with positive supportive people who've achieved professional success. People who can advise you on how to overcome your obstacles.
5. Take action. Goals are nothing without action. Write your success goals down. Make them specific, measurable and realistic. Keep them in your wallet. Write affirmations for your goals. Tape them to your bathroom and living room mirror, bulletin board and refrigerator. Look at them daily. Tape positive affirmations and play them in your car upon arising in the morning, and just before going to bed. Your subconscious mind is most amenable to suggestion first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed. One gentleman at the conference went from being $90,000 in debt (which he paid off) to earning hundreds of thousands a year with this technique. Bombard yourself with positive messages until you believe them.
The main thing to do is get started. Do something. Do anything that will bring you closer to the personal and professional success you desire. These proven techniques will work for you in achieving greater happiness and fulfillment in any area of your life – if you apply them. Read the right books. Spend the majority of your time with people more successful than you. Hire a success team of experts. Learn the new skills you will have to learn in order to make your dream happen. To stretch into a new money zone, remember you must stretch out of your comfort zone.

Source : Colleen Kettenhofen

Happiness Begins With Forgiveness

2010-07-16T12:59:00.000+08:00

I would like to preface this article by stating that I am referring to people and occurrences that can be forgiven. There are some atrocities in our world that are simply too horrible to forgive. That said, even the most painful of experiences can be let go for the purpose of allowing happiness into our lives. One of the major stumbling blocks on the road to happiness is the painful emotion of anger. Whether this anger is directed at a friend or loved one, or worse… yourself, it is a feeling that must be overcome and released if you are truly going to have a chance at lasting happiness.
Anger is something that we all have to deal with from time to time. It is virtually impossible to stroll through life without becoming angry with someone that you know and love. In fact, one of the worst bouts of anger you can have is actually with that person staring back at you in the mirror.

When something or someone upsets you, it is extremely important to vent your feelings. Ideally, it’s best to deal with the offender directly. If that someone happens to be you, so be it. In fact, forgiving yourself is one of the most important steps you can take on the happiness path. If you are not worthy of forgiveness, how can you ever experience real happiness?
I’m not suggesting that you run out and berate everyone who has ever done you wrong, I am merely stating that harboring anger will eventually catch up with you making it very difficult, if not impossible, to partake in the happiness that would otherwise be available to you.
It is perfectly normal and natural to become upset or angry with others or yourself. Perhaps someone insulted you, hurt you, cheated or betrayed you. Maybe you actually let yourself down by not playing by the rules, or accomplishing a goal that you had set out to achieve. Conceivably, you unintentionally or worse, intentionally harmed someone. While none of this is noble, it is crucial to let it go.
If possible, try to talk through it. If you are angry with someone else, let them know how you feel. Try not to speak to them with phrases like, “You did this…” or “You made me feel like that…”, but instead, use expressions like, “After our conversation, I feel like…”. Use I’s rather than You’s. It will do wonders for hashing it out.
With forgiveness comes peace, and with peace, happiness may begin to flow. Therefore, it is important to remember that happiness begins with forgiveness.

Source : Ricky Powell

5 Simple Methods for Banishing Negative People From Your Life

2010-05-03T12:50:00.003+08:00

Negative "energy vampires" are not living a life full of happiness and success, yet they will happily drag you down to their level unless you escape their clutches before it is too late!

Use these 5 basic guidelines as an outline that will help to safeguard you from negativity, and will also help you to identify negative people so that you can remove yourself from their sphere of influence.

Once you have internalized not practicing the following unsuccessful habits, you will suddenly start noticing people in your life who consistently practice them on an almost daily basis.

No Gossiping

It doesn't matter how justified you think you are in talking about other people's perceived shortcomings, doing so will never serve to bring about positive results.

When people do things that you don't agree with or that you don't understand, all that demonstrates is that they do not see life in the same way that you see it. It doesn't it make them a bad person, it just means that their understanding of any given situation is different than yours.

Granted, in many circumstances it may seem painfully obvious that someone could have handled a situation in a more positive manner. However, even if that is the case, rehashing the details with other people will only perpetuate the negativity.

In addition, many people thrive on discourse and chaos, so by participating in negative discussions about others, all you are doing is indirectly giving people permission to continue adding fuel to that fire. When you are seen as a "negative fuel source," you will invariably find that people will continue stopping by to get a fill-up!

No Whining or Complaining

Let me ask you this: Does whining or complaining about any given situation actually do anyone any good whatsoever?

I'm not talking about constructive criticism, learning from our mistakes, or recognizing pitfalls so that we can avoid them in the future. No, I'm talking about when a situation is already clearly less than desirable, yet you continue to talk about how undesirable it is!

When the office thermostat is broken and it is cold as a deep-freeze in your building, will anything be gained by continuing to repeat the obvious? If your spouse or significant other is being (in your opinion) unreasonable, are you going to gain anything by constantly spouting off about how upset you are about the situation?

Complaining accomplishes absolutely nothing other than drawing attention to an already less than favorable set of circumstances. If something is worth complaining about, then it is also worth taking action on. Stop whining, and start taking action, because if you don't, all of the whiners and complainers will crowd around you in order to get their negativity fix.

No Co-Dependency

All of us have friends, family members, or co-workers who bring real-world negative issues to us, and ask for our input. Sometimes they are looking for advice, while other times they just want to "vent".

In either case, however, pumping up their already negative point of view by agreeing how terrible any given situation is will only serve to cement in their minds how terrible that situation is! In addition, you will be sending them the clear signal that you are willing to be a sounding board for their complaints in the future.

Rather than rallying the forces of negativity in order to combat someone's issues, instead just provide for them a calming, reassuring voice of reason when their lives are in turmoil. Don't turn your back on them, but don't fuel their point of view that they are the "victim" either.

Instead, listen with a compassionate ear while keeping your own feelings in check. You will do them much more of a service by helping them to find a positive spin on their situation rather than becoming a participant in their negativity.

No Cross Contamination

It is impossible to swim in a river full of muddy water, yet still be able to get out of that river without a speck of dirt on you. The only way to avoid that dirt – or that negativity – is to refuse to take a dip into that river in the first place.

From an emotional standpoint, it is not possible for you to participate in negativity, and then go back into your positive bubble without dragging some of that negativity in with you.

Most people would say that it is not possible for them to completely avoid negativity, and I would tend to agree. However, just because you are physically present in a situation does not mean that you need to actually participate on an emotional level.

You can be involved in a discussion or in the resolution of a negative situation without allowing your own emotional set point to drop down to a less-than positive level. When life throws negativity at you, stay in the game, but practice equanimity in order to handle the situation without allowing the negative vibrations to affect you on an individual level.

No Being "Holier than Thou"

After finding all of these great ways to recognize and avoid negativity, it becomes very easy to think that you are somehow "different" than everyone else. You start to feel "enlightened" and you recognize how a large number of the people in your life are on planes, trains, and automobiles that are all headed in the wrong direction.

Here's a clue: get a grip on yourself! You are no better, nor any worse than any of those people. Those people are neither better, nor any worse than you.

The only difference between the "enlightened" you and the people who practice negativity is that you see things from a different point of view than they do. It is not appropriate for you to try to force your way of thinking onto those people, and in most cases it is also quite impossible.

By running around life with an attitude that you are somehow better than other people, all you will do is serve to alienate most of the people around you. Then, before you know it, other "holier than thou" individuals will start to flock to your side. Then all you will have accomplished is serving to divide your circle of influence into people who live on the "right" or the "wrong" side of the tracks – from your point of view.

Conclusion:

By following guidelines similar to the methods that you just read, and by practicing the fine art of being positive, you will begin to enjoy your life and consciously create it to be whatever it is that you want it to be.

That's the prize.

However, be advised that these success habits are just that – habits. Only practicing them when it is convenient for you to do so will only bring about positive results in small doses. Consistency is key.

Also, be prepared to burn some bridges in the process. Right now in your life there are probably people who will fade away completely when they realize that you will not be participating in their drama anymore.

The ladder of success is never crowded at the top!

7 ways to move beyond procrastination

2010-04-29T10:18:00.003+08:00

Almost everyone is held down by what some call “the silent killer”. Procrastination strikes everywhere. We all want to avoid the pain or discomfort of doing something we feel is boring, stupid, pointless, hard, complicated, risky, possibly really emotionally painful and so on.

But even though we know that we will have to do it eventually and that we’re just deluding ourselves we still put it of. Often with reasons we know deep down are weak and we really just made up. We get stuck in a vicious circle of doing too little of both what we want and what we don’t want. We get stuck. Here are 7 ways to squash procrastination and move forward.

1. Recognize that there is more pain in procrastinating than not
If you have procrastinated a lot (like me) you might have discovered that:

You procrastinate to avoid doing something that is boring, hard or something like that. You want to avoid that pain.

But after having some experience with procrastination you’ll probably realise that procrastination itself causes your more pain than actually just doing what you were supposed to. Realising the true amount of pain in the two choices will make it easier to get things done.

2. Force yourself to do it before you really absolutely have do it…
…and your self-esteem will go up. And the next time you feel like procrastinating remember that you forced yourself, but that you felt better when it was done. There was a nice reward when you were done. Whenever you feel like procrastinating remember this to get you to start moving forward.

3. Create a flow
Instead of doing nothing, begin with doing something. Clean your desk, take out the garbage, wash the dishes. Just stack a couple of simple actions to create a flow, a momentum. When you’re in the flow, in that forward motion, getting started with what you have to do will be much easier. Also, cleaning up can get you too feel more motivated. A messy work-environment seems to often reinforce procrastination.

4. Get some leverage
Sometimes we procrastinate on things that aren’t just dull tasks in the office or school. Maybe you are stuck, not able to take the next step fearing some deep personal pain. If you are thinking about changing jobs or career or taking a next step in a relationship you are probably focusing on what could go wrong. Instead, get some leverage to both push and pull yourself forward.

How to: Take a pen and a piece of paper. Write down as many things as you can come up with that you will miss out on, not just now but the next few years if you don’t take this step now. Really dig down into yourself and feel that pain that you will feel not just tomorrow but in a year and the next five or ten years.

Then write down all positive and wonderful things you will experience if you take this decision and move forward to where you want to go. Think about them and write down all those things you will experience and feel, not just in the next few days but in one year, in two, in five years or ten. Get the stick and the carrot to work for you. And put the problem in a longer time perspective to really give it an emotional punch.

5. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time…
Don’t look at everything you have to do. One of the common sources of procrastination is feeling overwhelmed. Break it down into smaller tasks. Write them down as a list on a piece of paper. Focus on just getting that one small task or part of the big thing done. Then move on to the next. Take it one step at a time and don’t think about the rest. Before you know it you’ll be half way there.

6. Change your beliefs
The problems that repeatedly put you into a procrastinating state might disappear if you change your view on reality. Examine your beliefs. Ask yourself if you could see things in a more beneficial and effective way for yourself.

Realise you can choose you beliefs about yourself and the world. The past is not the future. You don’t have to hang to limiting beliefs based on past experiences if you don’t want to. You are here right now and you choose and can change your habits.

7. Make a small deal with yourself
Here is an effective one I first heard from Ed Bliss (well, actually now that I think about it I probably first heard it from a teacher back in school about ten years ago. It kinda rings a bell).

Here’s how you go about it: Promise yourself that you’ll work on something for just 5 minutes. After those 5 minutes you can do something else if you want to. But make a note on your schedule when you will come back to the task and work another 5 minutes with it. As Bliss notes, not matter how unpleasant a task may be, you can often talk yourself into working 5 minutes on it.

I’ve found this one to be effective to make a dent in those tasks you have put of for a longer while. After you’re done with those first 5 minutes the next 5 minutes will feel a little easier. And after that the next 5 minutes will feel even easier. Or maybe you raise the bar to 10 minutes of work. Getting some actual work done on that task, if only for 5 minutes, gives you a rush of exhilaration. Making a game out of how much work you can get done in those 5 minutes can also be a small but in its own way fun challenge.

Source : positivyblog.com

HAPINESS IS a HABIT

2010-04-21T10:54:00.003+08:00

Simply put, happiness is a habit. So can we train ourselves to be happy?

According to Wray Herbert as stated in the Newsweek- “research shows that our brains have certain hardwired propensities that might be exploited. For example, our brains tend to register frequently heard facts as true, even if they are patently false. As a result, our memories and beliefs are highly malleable and unreliable. We also tend, if unchecked by the conscious reasoning mind, to focus overly on risk, inconvenience, hassles—anything negative. “ Does it not therefore make sense to change our thinking to change our habits and thereby change our life? Read the following paragraph.

Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed whotuit a pboerlm I think most of you were able to read it, why ?

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? What this proves is that our brains get used to the way we think. Our brain has a mind of its own that it develops due to the habits that we form. If we are constantly thinking negative thoughts, our brain circuitry gets hard wired to think in the negative realm and on the other hand optimists who think positively tend to hard wire their brains in a positive frame. The glass half full or half empty!!!!!

Also it has been proven that our unconscious/subconscious brain takes in about 80% of the information around us and our conscious brain can hold only 20% of the information at any given time. Therefore the more we surround ourselves with positive motivators such as positive people, positive messages, positive actions, books, programs the better it is for our brains to develop a positive outlook .

Do a little exercise. Draw a rectangular box. Draw a few diagonal lines within the box, next draw with a red dot on the left side and a little + sign on the right.

Now, cover your right eye with your hand, then (using your left eye) look at the small cross to the right side of the image. Slowly moving your head towards the screen, while looking at the cross, at a certain point, the red dot will disappear.

That's because the red dot is now in your blind spot, where the optic nerve joins the back of your eye. But here's the cool bit: the space where the red dot was gets filled in with the blue lines around it. Your brain fills in the space with what it thinks should be there, using whatever is around it! Isn’t that interesting?

Your brain fills in the space with what it thinks should be there, using whatever is around it!

Yet again, we see how our brain reacts. It automatically finds solutions to its perceived problems. Once again it digs into its data bank to find the correct solution.

Now, let’s put it all in perspective. Let’s say you are the kind of person that sees the glass half full. You wake up and realize that you are 20 minutes late and now have to rush like a maniac and you will probably miss your 8.00 o-clock bus. Instead of cursing and panicking (because that is just the way you are), you decide to enjoy your morning coffee and take a taxi to work instead. After all you don’t do that all the time so you see it as a luxury. You call your office and explain that you may be 15 -20 min late but you will still be there. You go out to hail a taxi and see a huge queue, you panic momentarily, but your sunny disposition does not allow that for long and you stand there listening to your iPod and smiling. Suddenly you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn around and the person points you to someone who is waving at you. It is your colleague who is driving to work offering you a lift. Viola, problem solved. You are at work on time and you did not even pay for the taxi. You have a great day at work and the same colleague offers you a lift back.

Take two- same scenario, but you always see the glass half empty, the world is a miserable place and people are all out to get you. You wake up 20 minutes late, you curse and panic and inadvertently tip the lamp. It shatters to the floor. You curse more and scream at your spouse, helper, whoever is around to take your abuse. You have no time for breakfast so you rush out without even a cup of coffee. You have missed the bus and the taxi queue is long. You are angry, hungry and cursing. You don’t smile at anyone and keep cursing under your breath. People around you can feel your negativity and move away from you. Your colleague drives past, tries to get your attention, but you don’t seem to notice him and no one taps your shoulder, he drives away. You are hungry and irritable. You are massively late to work and your boss is really angry because you forgot to inform him/her about your tardiness. You have a miserable day at work and you feel like crap.

What a difference a day makes! But hold on, was it the day that made a difference or was it your attitude? Your attitude determines your next move and thereby changes the energy around you leading to a favorable or an unfavorable outcome.

You therefore have control over your circumstances. Many times however, we feel that we do not have control over the outcome. We may not have control over the outcome but we always have control over our outlook. Our habits form our attitude and our attitude forms our outlook, which in turn creates circumstances. So, it makes sense to change our habits and thereby change our circumstances. Get into the habit of seeing the glass half full.

It is after all a matter of perspective and training your brain. It was thought that at around the age of 30 our brain capacity has been maximized and it is all downhill from there on . It has now been proven that the brain is highly malleable and trainable. It can be trained right till the day we leave this planet. Research is constantly being done to show the brains capacity to synthesize new brain cells and form new patterns. It is never too late to change your circumstances and become happier by adopting a happier attitude.

The next logical question would be, how to become happier? Well there is no hard and fast rule or a pill that can be taken. However there are things that we can do to become happier. Start with a thank you journal. Every day find three things that you are grateful for. It could be as simple a steaming cup of coffee , a beautiful sunny day, a hug from your child, a compliment from a stranger , a request for friendship on MySpace or face book or as exotic as winning a million dollar lottery, a promotion at work, getting married to your dream partner and so on. Whatever you think you could be thankful for. Limit it to three a day, so that you have something for every day. This way you get into a habit of appreciation and gratitude and thereby start changing your brain pattern. Slowly and surely you brain starts developing new neural pathways that start looking out for things that give you reason to be happy and grateful. Your habits form your attitude and your attitude creates your outlook and you outlook creates your circumstances. So get into the habit of being happy.

Source : i-choose-hapiness.com

GET RICH WITH KLIKOT SOCIAL NETWORK

2010-04-20T17:45:00.002+08:00

There are so many who question how to be successful in klikot ..??? And many are already giving way in order to be successful in klikot. But all the way there is technically only a tutorial course. The essence of how not delivered. Here I want to unravel how to succeed in klikot. Please input if there is a shortage.
Klikot is one social networking site that is SOCIAL-BUSINESS. This can be seen from klikot give an appreciation of the dollar against its members. Dollars provided through the collection point. Points can be obtained from:

1. If you have a friend join in your network. The more your friends are joining in the network the more points you will get. Here already seen that klikot appreciate the good social relations.
2. Klikot give points to upload photos, videos or articles that you have created. Its meaning here klikot would like to invite you to be creative and productive.
Two things above seen from the BUSINESS.
In addition to the above there are 2 other things you need to do is:
1. Every day, though only 15 minutes to open klikot and greet your friends.
2. Give comments and ratings to photos, videos or articles your friends.Klikot friends to invite you to appreciate the work of others and give awards for people's work. Two things this is often forgotten.
One again the forgotten is join clique (group). Because by joining the clique you actually indirectly increase your friendship. Here seen from the SOCIAL.
Supposing there is no one in the business success came alone.Bisnis be successful because there are networks. And all through a cooperative team. Can succeed and a solid team if there is mutual respect and honor.Hopefully this can make friends beneficial all ...

Success to you all ...

Join here with my referal link http://www.klikot.com/en/SignUp.aspx?advertiser_id=576313

You Were Born Rich

2010-04-12T14:46:00.002+08:00

You Have What It Takes, Regardless of Your Past Or Present Experience You have all it takes to be a millionaire. It does not matter if your pockets are empty or if you are homeless or if your life seems like the pits right now. You are a millionaire IF you truly want to be. The fact is, you were born rich.

What does it mean to be wealthy? It does not mean to be happy with little. It means to be happy with lots. It means to have more than you need, and the freedom to enjoy it whenever you want. It means to have no money worries, or stress about where the next meal is coming from. It means to be immersed in an environment of abundance.

While being rich involves possession of material goods, wealth is actually a state of mind. It is a feeling of freedom from stress. It is an attitude that there is nothing lacking - that everything you need or want is available. A wealthy state of mind is obviously easier to sustain when you actually have the things you long for. However, the greatest challenge for most people is to realize that a wealthy state of mind precedes actual wealth.

You had a wealthy state of mind at the beginning of your life. In a sense, you were born rich, for you had yet to be notified of anything lacking. At the beginning our encounters with stress and anxiety were extremely limited. We knew only abundance and freedom.

The Multi Millionaire Inside You

Think of a wealthy person, a real person that you would like to be as wealthy as. How is this person different from you? Discard any notion that only people of certain social classes, or of certain professions, or with particular skills become rich. This has been disproven time and time again. The foundations of a wealthy person are no different than yours.

The real question is how did this person become different from you? Consider that you were both born with the exact same potential to acquire wealth. In fact everyone starts life on an equal playing field. None of us is born with any particular wealth skills, yet all of us are born with the potential to succeed.

As we proceed through life, our potentials are cultivated or not cultivated in different ways. This accounts largely for the success we realize or fail to realize as we proceed through life.

Regardless of how much success or failure you have experienced, you were born with the same potential as any wealthy person. More importantly, you still have that potential. Whatever secret gifts brought wealth to any multi-millionaire you have ever seen, you have the same gifts. You were born with them. You were born as rich as anyone else.

You Are What You Believe

If you are struggling to make ends meet right now, it is crucial to understand that something in your belief system got you to where you are. It is meaningless to think or even believe that you were born rich if you have another narrative running in your mind saying that you are not rich now.

Experience accounts for much of what we believe about ourselves. Our beliefs are strengthened by what we say to ourselves repeatedly. If we are constantly reliving the experience of lack and struggle in our minds, that is the story that becomes embedded in our belief system. Consequently it is also the story that we continue to experience in our daily lives.

We can change what we believe about ourselves. Even though you experience struggle now, you can realize that this is just a temporary state of affairs. The fact of the matter is you were born rich and your potential for wealth is always within you.

Remove from your inner dialogue any notion that lack and struggle are a permanent part of you. Replace it with a vision of who you really are. If you look around, you will see that you are immersed in a world of abundance. There is lots of everything all around you. There is no reason to believe you cannot have things you want, just as wealthy people do.

Wealthy people believe they are rich, hence they experience being rich. You are exactly the same as a wealthy person in every way except what you believe about yourself. Believe that you were born rich, for you were. Believe that a wealthy person lives within you, for it does. Believe that you are surrounded by abundance, for you are. Experience the feelings of wealth and happiness constantly, and for certain true wealth and happiness will catch up with you.

Improve Intelligence

2010-04-05T15:43:00.003+08:00

Every parent, every boss, every teacher, possibly everyone wants to improve intelligence, because we operate from this paradigm that improved intelligence somehow makes us quicker, faster, richer, smarter, you fill in the blank.... If I somehow have more of 'it', then I will achieve more and achieve 'it' more easily.

But what is intelligence at the level of the brain? The psychologists will measure a number of constructs, but at the level of the neuron, intelligence is the connections between neurons, what we have learned to call neuroplasticity, and neuroplasticity can be enhanced, recovered, nurtured.

In fact, you could make a point that since it is now accepted science that we grow new neurons every day, which we call neurogenesis, that we can grow new intelligence every day,and the brain fitness folks are saying that we can work out our brain to make it a most hospitable place for neuroplasticity, and neurogenesis to happen.

So improving intelligence will certainly involve working out the brain, as Simon Evans,PH.D. and Paul Burghardt,Ph.D. point out int their excellent e-book called Brainfit for Life. Evans and Burghardt make a compelling case for taking care of the brain and its neuroplastic and neurogenetic capacities. Taking care of the hardware makes the software more effective, so if we think of improving intelligence as a goal, then I want to suggest that a brain growing more neurons and forming new connections is a brain with more intelligence.

Evans and Burghardt site the research and make a compelling case for taking care of what they call the pillars of brain fitness, which are physical activity/exercise, nutrition, including lots of antioxidants and omega 3 fatty acids, good sleep, stress management, and novel learning experiences to improve intelligence.

Sounds vaguely like messages you got from Grandmother, except for the novel learning experience part, right, because the Seniors I know now say cross word puzzles and sudoku keep their brains sharp, which is correct up to a point.

The novel learning experience that really improves neuroplasticity and neurogenesis is the kind of novel learning experience you experience when you are learning a new language or a new instrument, where there is a continually growing complexity and an appropriate amount of success and failure.

So the key to this brain fitness pillar is that it is novel, and doing crosswords or sudoku which do not increase in complexity will not be the best help for my brain.

Put another way, as a counselor, I cannot read another counseling book, and expect increased neurogenesis or neuroplasticity.

But What About My Schedule...?

Is there a solution to improved intelligence and my limited schedule for practicing a new instrument or new language?

Well, Evans and Burghadt describe some research about a computerized task called the dual n back task.

It increases what is called fluid intelligence, which is very broadly, the intelligence that allows me to pick one stimulus from many to pay attention to.

Practice with this tool will rapidly teach you about your lack of attentional skills, meaning you will learn how fast you drift away from a task.

The dual n back practice will impact the neuroplastic connections between your attention paying neurons, and the researchers have actually demonstrated in increased intelligence using a paper and pencil intelligence test, so it is possible isn't it, to demonstrate improved intelligence.

The catch? The experimenters tried a number of different practice schedules, and the schedule demonstrating the most success was the practice one time per day for nineteen days schedule, each practice lasting a half-hour, so there is a time commitment, and a need to follow through regularly for the best results.

Practice makes perfect for your neurons too, and your boss/teacher/supervisor/wife will love you newly improved intelligence.

Source : Michael Logan
http://www.askmikethecounselor2.com

Learn How To Build Self-Confidence Naturally And Enjoy Life

2010-04-05T15:39:00.003+08:00

Life is different for each individual and some times things can become challenging for each of him or her. The various experiences that an individual goes through at different times in his or her life will influence the way any particular individual will act and react alone and within relationships. It also influences the way any particular individual thinks, feels and acts. Perhaps, you are one of those who are searching for the means of making things better in your life. Perhaps, you are on your personal quest to gain self-confidence. To learn how to gain confidence naturally and enjoy life is essential when you want to begin making a difference in the way you think, feel and act.

Searching for Help to Gain Confidence is in You Best Interest

Since you are reading this article, you may already be aware that any negative thoughts, feelings or actions you may entertain only make your life worse off than not. There are various types of negativity in thoughts, feelings and deeds that will actually draw to you even more negativity. The incredible thoughts, feelings and actions associated with anxiety and depression can become terribly overwhelming. Various individuals even succumb to their suicidal thoughts and feelings. If you do not take the opportunity to learn how to gain self-confidence you may eventually wind up even worse off than you are, simply because of any negativity you allow to seed and grow inside you.

You are Not Alone

Many individuals suffer from the everyday effects of stress, anxiety and depression. Some of them may continue to suffer either by choice or because they are not aware that there is helpful resources available for him or her. However, once they find out that help is available and then understand that they can make a difference in his or her life, they can take the necessary steps to boost themselves up out of their depression. They can learn how to decrease their episodes of stress and learn how to handle their feelings of anxiety. Using such helpful resources can help anyone to gain confidence. Doing so will boost the way that individual thinks, feels and acts onto a higher and more positive level.

Positive Thinking can and will Change Your Life

Once you are able to focus on learning how to rethink or influence your subconscious mind to think positively about your life and your experiences, you are able to create the type of lifestyle you want and deserve. You do not have to continue suffering from your overwhelming sense of stress, anxiety or depression. Consider this, you learned to program your subconscious mind by the influences of those around you while you were young. You assimilated many of their reasoning and opinions into your thought patterns while young. What this means is that you eventually developed a habit of negative thinking that did and still does influence your life. However, you can also learn to program your subconscious mind in such a manner as to remove any type of negative thinking as soon as they try to enter your mind. You can learn the habit of positive thought patterns.

When you learn how to gain confidence naturally and enjoy life you will be able to make such a difference in your life.

Source : T S Gill
http://www.gainyourconfidence.com/

CranioSacral Therapists - 4 Simple Steps to Finding Peace in Your Practice

2010-04-05T15:34:00.003+08:00

Do you ever feel a sense of fear, panic or disappointment in your life or practice? (Hmmm, that's a bit like asking you, "Is your heart beating? Are you breathing?")

That's the perfect opportunity to use one of my favorite transformational coaching tools: Radical Forgiveness, developed by renowned author, speaker and teacher Colin Tipping.

Radical Forgiveness is based on a number of assumptions I wholeheartedly subscribe to, including:

• We are each connected to Divine source energy. As such, we are infinitely resourceful.

• Pain comes from forgetting that we are the essence of source energy at our core, and believing we're separate instead.

• Every pain we experience is here to remind us to wake up and remember the true nature of our divinity.

• We are the creator of all our experiences. And we invited the people who helped us create those experiences into our lives ~ even if we forgot when or how. In playing that role, those people are actually giving us a gift with their actions.

Does any of this ring a bell for you? Then consider trying your hand at Radical Forgiveness next time you feel the tell-tale sting of anger, shame, fear or resentment.

Here are 4 simple steps to get you started along your path to self-forgiveness and healing:

Step 1: "Look what I created!"

Saying this reminds you that you aren't a victim but the creator of all your circumstances ~ and not just the good ones.

What's critical here is not to assume guilt. Instead, say it with the delight of remembering how incredibly creative you are.

Benjamin Zander, music director of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra and an advocate for embracing "the art of possibility," suggest that whenever you make a mistake, throw your arms in the air and say, "How fascinating!"

Wherever you create circumstances that cause you pain, you are equally capable of creating circumstances that bring you joy.

Step 2: "I notice my judgments and love myself for having them."

Simply accept the imperfection of your humanity and love yourself, even for having your judgments. Because that's simply another part of who you are.

Step 3: "I am willing to see the perfection in this situation."

According to Tipping, willingness is the essential step in the Radical Forgiveness process.

He says, "It equates to a prayerful surrendering in the moment to the divine plan and the willingness to love ourselves for not being able to see this plan directly."

Step 4: "I choose the power of peace."

Another one of my spiritual teachers taught me to say it this way: "Dear Holy Spirit, please fill me with your peace."

After using this prayer many times over the past few years, I assure you, it works. Even in the most stressful situations.

Ready to practice the art of Radical Forgiveness? I highly recommend the book.

And Tipping suggests writing these 4 steps on index cards and keeping them close at hand. Then whenever you feel that pang of discomfort in any relationship ~ even in your practice ~ take a moment to move through each of the steps.

You'll remember your own divinity. And fill yourself with nourishing peace

Source : Sharon Desjarlais, CC
http://www.CranioSacralSuccess.com.

How to Press the Reset Button On Your Life

2010-01-12T15:31:00.004+08:00

Hi,

We all get stuck in ruts from time to time. We get off track and
lose sight of the life we meant to live. I know I'm probably not
the only one who has wished that I could find a reset button for
life.
While we can't exactly travel back in time, there's certain ways
we can "reboot" our lives. First step is to set aspirations that come from your heart and what you value most. Then just take it one day at a time.
Think small, act big. Here are some suggestions for ways you can reboot your life:

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Health:
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* 30 Days to Health. Choose a month to start new
eating habits. Maybe you want to become vegetarian, vegan or
completely raw. Or maybe you just want to eliminate processed foods
like; frozen food, chips, soft drinks, candy and essential junk
foods.

* Go on the Master Cleanse: a 10 day mono-diet fast that will
help you reboot your health and eating habits.It helps you rejuvenate
your body and your mind. When you're not spending your energy on
digestion, your body can use its energy to heal itself.
It's amazing when you're fasting how much time you realize you
spend thinking about eating and making food.

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Simplicity:
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* Reassess your mess. Go through out all your junk and make 3
piles: toss/recycle, donate, and keep. Throw out or donate or sell
anything you haven't used in over a year. The same rule applies
with your closet, garage and wardrobe.

* Unwind your mind. We spend a lot of time trying to organize
and create more functional living spaces. But we often neglect the
most important space we live in: our mind. NOW it's the best
time to reboot your mind. Drop disempowering beliefs and drop
negativity.

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Relationships:
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* Reconnect. Most of our ambitions are centered around ourselves,
but they don't all have to be. Maybe you want to make your resolution
to spend more time with your partner or your kids. Maybe you want to
create a better relationship with your parents. Or perhaps you just
want to dissolve a grudge you've been holding against someone.
Now is a good time to forgive and forget.

* Be more romantic. With all our goals surrounding our careers,
productivity, and health, it's easy to put romance on the back
burner. A few ways to jump start your ideas for rekindling romance
might be: giving your lover love coupons, spending more quality
time together and dating your partner more often. Even if it just
means going out for coffee or watching a movie on the couch together.

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Finance: (Reboot your bank account)
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Here's a great exercise to start:

Take out a paper and draw a line down the middle. Mark the first
side as column a, mark the other side column b.

Look over your bank account for the past 30 days and write down all
your non-essential purchases in column a. This includes things like
unneeded spending on clothes, lattes, junk food, renting movies,
entertainment, gadgets, CDs, etc. Don't include things such as
rent/mortgage, utility and phone bills.

Now in column b write down all the things you'd like to have money
for to pursue things you're passionate about. This might be thing
like dance lessons, tai chi or yoga classes, a mountain bike,
you get the idea. Try to see what you can remove
from column a to make more room for the things in column b.

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Fitness:
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* Maintain the chain. There are so many fitness goals and
programs you can get into. If you live anywhere like I do, the guys
from 24 Hour Fitness are on the corner downtown recruiting people
like gangbusters. With all these fitness routines and exercises you
can find, it's hard to see through the noise. A simplified
resolution is to create an exercise chain and all you need is a
calendar. Choose one month of the year and make a pact to exercise
every day. Each day you exercise, you put an X through that day on
calendar. Your job is to not break the chain. I've personally found
this to be an awesome motivator because you can see all the
progress you've made and it would hurt too much to break the chain.

* Tap the troupe. It's easy to fall off the wagon when you're
going it alone. If you join a local fitness group, you'll have
others that will hold you accountable. Meetup.com is a really
awesome place to find local meetups in your area. It's super easy
to join and most of the groups are free.

Source :
John Petrov
http://www.attractorgenie.com
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